This is the culmination of years of work and dedication, and here it is: the beginning of everything that is to come. You are moments from knowing what you have begged to know.
You must be mentally and physically prepared for the rigors of the following exam. You must center your mind and left justify your body. You must gird your spirit and steady your physical hands.
The guide will look like a collection of strange questions, many of which you won’t be sure how to answer, and that is the point. It is more than an exam. It is a scope that can look into your very spirit, hint at your possible future, and portend your affinity, guild affiliation, and what source you might draw your magimystical power from, if you are adept at magic at all.
For the assessment to be truly effective, you MUST take your time and answer every question as who you are RIGHT NOW, not who you wish to be someday. The guide will know the difference, and if you don’t answer truthfully… well, as the old saying goes, “Woe betide those who cross the MAGIQ Guide.”
If you do not agree with the outcome, you may, of course, take the exam again at another time. Magimystical currents are everchanging and fickle, as is the truth. And though the Guide is perfect in its execution, you are allowed to choose your own path.
Now close your eyes. Now open them. How did you know that I asked you to open your eyes if they were closed? Do you have transparent eyelids?
Would you prefer to be enjoyed by a lone bookworm in the cozy window seat of a musty library?
(The Choice of The Moons)
Please click here to turn to page 34.
Or would you rather be read aloud to a captivated audience that responds to you with admiration and rapturous applause?
(The Choice of The Sun)
Please click here to turn to page 9.
If you now find yourself able to hear the distant sounds of faerie drub ‘n base, this might be a symptom of Faequiver, which can lead to outbreaks of spontaneous rhythmic arm waving.
Ask your alchemist about Mufflehorn.
Page 2
If you now find yourself visited by a spectral ancestor— you looked into the haunted jewel again, didn’t you?
Page 3
Ensure you aren’t wearing enchanted clothing of any kind before proceeding further.
Are you ready to continue?
Page 4
You and your friends are walking home when you are surprised by a huge and hungry un-nameable beast. As the only magimystic, it is your call to action that will decide the fate of your companions.
Do you reveal yourself, leading the charge to fight this hideous monstrosity before it has a chance to react?
(The Choice of Perception)
Please click here to turn to page 13.
Or do you wait to assess its power and disposition before formulating a stratagem that might protect your group, as well as the secret of your skills?
(The Choice of Consideration)
Please click here to turn to page 45.
Page 5
Is this
a frog
riding a
bicycle
or a
witch?
Page 6
If you now find yourself in a different room than the one you started this assessment in, you might be studywalking.
Studytethers can help prevent this happening in future assessments.
Page 7
The magic emulgent process can be extremely taxing to the neophyte mind.
If you are still conscious…
Page 8
A hippocrow encounters you in a dark wood.
If you are searching for your escaped spirit,
please click here to turn to page 67.
If you are retrieving a loved one whom you transmogrified into a fungus,
please click here to turn to page 6.
Page 9
Does making and then checking off a list of all the things you need for an adventure fill you with joy and pride?
(The Choice of Consideration)
Please click here to turn to page 26.
Or do you hope there will be markets and shops along the way, best to not spoil the spontaneity?
(The Choice of Perception)
Please click here to turn to page 61.
Page 10
If you still are in possession of most of your memory—
Page 11
If you now find yourself immeasurably thirsty, that is simply because the assessment absorbs most of the water from your body.
Consider drinking a glass of chilled psychoconut water to rehydrate your mind.
Page 12
If you now find yourself aware of something beckoning you from just outside your range of vision, do not try to look at it.
It is an Assessparition,
the ghost of a previous assessment attempting to give you an outdated exam.
Page 13
You have been tasked with guarding a large jar of jellybeans for a scholar under whom you’ve been studying when a hungry child appears from nowhere and asks if you could spare a handful of beans.
Do you give the child a few, with a wink and a smile, hoping they have no magimystical importance?
(The Choice of Feeling)
Please click here to turn to page 52.
Or do you tell the kid to clear off, hopefully not angering a were-urchin in the process?
(The Choice of Thinking)
Please click here to turn to page 18.
Page 14
Would you consider yourself blindly devoted to your friends and family?
(The Choice of Feeling)
Please click here to turn to page 8.
Or determined to succeed at your goals, even if it somewhat distances you from your loved ones?
(The Choice of Thinking)
Please click here to turn to page 11.
Page 15
Generally, is it better to follow the dictate of your silly but sensitive heart?
(The Choice of Perception)
Please click here to turn to page 59.
The reasoned but over-cautious ordinance of your mind?
(The Choice of Consideration)
Please click here to turn to page 7.
Page 16
There, what’s—
There’s something moving…
No, it’s all right. Ignore me. It’s gone now.
Wait…
No, what’s— there! There! Quick— on your shoulder! What’s that?
If you turned to your left,
please click here to turn to page 53.
If you turned to your right,
please click here to turn to page 15.
Page 17
If you distinctly smell baked goods, please lean back with a tissue to your nose and cry.
Otherwise…
Page 18
Cross your fingers.
Stare intensely over your left shoulder.
Conjure your preferred insectile icon.
Spit.
Page 19
What is the anticipated outcome of reciting Nerrisen’s Red Circle?
The caster becomes a red-painted, wooden hoop for a number of hours equivalent to their casting level.
Please click here to turn and turn and turn to page 53.
The recipient is forever cursed to highlight, in red pen, all spelling and grammatical errors encountered in written documentation.
Please click here to turn to page 15.
Page 20
If you now find yourself confronted by a tiny army of warrior ants, do not panic.
They have been sent from ant Susan, and they are yours to command. It is a sign that now is the time to raid the sugar bowl!
Charge, tiny ants, to victory! (After you call your ant. She misses you.)
Page 21
You have defeated the Imperius of The Carrion Horde in a languimension outside our own. A difficult choice now awaits you.
Do you disband the Horde and return home to accept gratitude and a small payment of seasonal vegetables, knowing you’ve freed an enslaved people?
(The Choice of Feeling)
Please click here to turn to page 58.
Or do you take up the fallen crown and rule the Horde as the new Carrion Imperius, considering the Horde might suffer without a firm leader?
(The Choice of Thinking)
Please click here to turn to page 50.
Page 22
Or
Executing a meticulous plan to perfection?
(The Choice of Consideration)
Please click here to turn to page 66.
Page 23
If you now find yourself exhibiting symptoms of Werricle’s Alterium as a result of this assessment, repeat this sentence aloud 5 times to settle your alterial gyrus. Not that one; this one.
Page 24
What would you put first into a seeing soup?
Beans of Remembering?
Please click here to turn to page 41.
Or
Seeds of Supposing?
Please click here to turn to page 32.
Page 25
If you now find yourself annoyed, this is because you have been cross-examined by an IreMonger.
This is standard policy by the Board of Assessments to ensure fair practice.
The sensation will pass shortly.
Page 26
Would you prefer to be remembered as a kind but squishily-soft leader?
(The Choice of Feeling)
Please click here to turn to page 52.
Or
A hardened but fair leader?
(The Choice of Thinking)
Please click here to turn to page 18.
Page 27
As a side effect of the exam you might sense that your aura has cooled slightly.
You can warm your aura by pointing your index fingers at your forehead and twirling them in a circular motion until you feel the warmth return.
Page 28
If you now find yourself feeling downhearted, you might be experiencing an emotional sugar crash.
Can you describe your immediate reaction when you find an old can at the back of the cupboard and you read the torn and faded label that says “Dawson’s Creamed Spinach”?
It might bring up hidden feelings and messages from your childhood that will help to rejuvenate emotional insulin levels.
Page 29
As a side effect of the exam, you might notice you can now read backwards 2% faster.
Page 30
Which of these mystical items would you rather possess?
The Crystal Clear Path, a gem that shows you the third most likely outcome of any decision.
(The Choice of Consideration)
Please click here to turn to page 68.
Fortuity’s Knock, a charm that can, on rare occasion, turn luck in your favor, if it isn’t doing the opposite.
(The Choice of Perception)
Please click here to turn to page 29.
Page 31
Complete this well-known saying from the Fellsinger Forrest Tomes:
“When chopping down branches
to remove the Weedfickle,
best choose the axe over…
… a rusty wheat sickle!”
Please click here to turn to page 55.
… a shrivelled thorn pickle!”
Please click here to turn to page 57.
Page 32
Imagine you are a Piecemeal, a community of magically animated body parts come together to survive.
Is your preference to be ruled…
By your collection of hearts?
(The Choice of Feeling)
Please click here to turn to page 58.
Or
Your confluence of heads?
(The Choice of Thinking)
Please click here to turn to page 50.
Page 33
Look deeply into the haunted illustration of this jewel.
If you are visited by a spectral ancestor,
please click here to turn to page 51.
If not, never look at this jewel again
and click here to turn to page 72.
Page 34
Complete this sequence;
gathering bowl
sequester
breezesigh
festers’ wort
ankleswords
vermillion graw
Please click here to turn to page 14.
Page 35
When choosing a piece of furniture to secure your otherworldly collections, would you prefer…
An impertinent chest of drawers?
Please click here to turn to page 17.
Page 36
Verrsigo tarxacia hyvilt beminicul?
Matisnecht!
Page 37
As a side effect of the exam, you might become desirable to other assessments who will try to court your attention.
Be warned.
They might look tempting but they will not match the profile they project.
Page 38
Do you…
Embrace the unexpected?
(The Choice of Perception)
Please click here to turn to page 21.
Or
Expect the unexpected?
(The Choice of Consideration)
Please click here to turn to page 43.
Page 39
You’re trapped in a minder’s box, a psychic trap easy to escape with a bit of mind magics.
Do you imagine yourself outside the box?
(The Choice of Believing)
Please click here to turn to page 42.
Page 40
What is the recommended baking time for a Festive Swekulvine cake ?
Twenty minutes per pound,
plus fifteen minutes resting time.
Please click here to turn to page 55.
Until the Swekulvine has cracked
and the juices run clear.
Please click here to turn to page 57.
Page 41
A gloaming storm cloud threatens to destroy your well-tended herbarium.
Do you summon a primal wind from the nether to blow the storm into the afterworld, thereby changing weather patterns the world over?
Please click here to turn to page 37.
Page 42
If you now find yourself giggling for no apparent reason, you might have inadvertently opened a chortle portal on the page.
To close it, glare at the word “apparent” in the above sentence and hold the glare for a count of three.
Page 43
The Creeping Tome of Allmaster Terradade yearns to be returned to the Library of Living Pages.
Have you finished your reading yet?!
Page 44
If you now find yourself wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into, this is quite normal.
Wonder is the first step in realizing your true potential in magic.
Embrace wonder.
Page 45
As a side effect of the exam, you might discover that a small patch of skin on your elbow is glowing.
Elbow-glow is bestowed on favored students from the Buckledown Muses to facilitate reading under the bedcovers at night.
Page 46
How long is it polite to ponder on the pondering stool?
1 to 2 hours, depending on the time of day.
Please click here to turn to page 14.
Or
Until the proclamation of knee cramp.
Please click here to turn to page 27.
Page 47
As a side effect of the exam, you might now notice your sense of smell is 3% better in low light environments.
Page 48
As a side effect of the exam, you might find that doors are slightly more ajar than they used to be.
Page 49
Imagine your ideal beastly familiar.
If it can bite,
please click here to turn to page 19.
If it can sting,
please click here to turn to page 69.
If it’s a living, transparent bag of jelly,
please close the guide and wait for further instructions.
Page 51
If you still have the full use of your eyes (not counting corrective or destructive lenses),
Page 52
You have amassed many items and find yourself struggling to carry the weight. It is time to clear out your explorer’s case.
You find a dull, unenchanted dagger at the bottom of the case, a gift from your favorite childhood Daggermaster. A sweet but useless keepsake.
Do you decide to keep the dagger in the bag, for old times’ sake, despite the weight?
(The Choice of Feeling)
Please click here to turn to page 8.
Or leave it at home, making room for new spoils you’ll likely find on your excursions?
(The Choice of Thinking)
Please click here to turn to page 11.
Page 53
You are midway through your search in the woods for the Once-A-Moon Mushroom, when your friend tells you she’s found a gingerbread cottage nearby and wants you to investigate it with her.
Do you jump at the chance to go exploring, knowing the rare mushrooms might be gone when you return?
(The Choice of Perception)
Please click here to turn to page 63.
Or
Do you decide that the expedition comes first and you’ll come back to explore the cottage later, if it hasn’t already been eaten?
(The Choice of Consideration)
Please click here to turn to page 3.
Page 54
You are a servant-golem to a liquimancer. She wishes to reward you for your service to her. She offers you an experimental elixir that might grant you an opportunity to feel true emotions. Consider her offer carefully.
Would you drink the elixir and risk having your memory erased, should the elixir fail?
(The Choice of Feeling)
Please click here to turn to page 65.
Or would you return the elixir to protect what you’ve learned, knowing the liquimancer might someday refine the formula. (Though, being absentminded, she might also move on to something else altogether and forget.)
(The Choice of Thinking)
Please click here to turn to page 4.
Page 55
As a side effect of the exam, you might now be able to predict inclement weather conditions whilst napping.
Page 56
Imagine a forest where the trees resemble dark, twisted glass and are full of illusory reflections. It would be wise to walk with care along its winding paths, as many of them might lead you into harm’s way.
As you enter a clearing, you see a baby deer about to be attacked by a wolf.
Do you instinctively leap in to protect the helpless fawn?
(The Choice of Feeling)
Please click here to turn to page 65.
Or do you suspect a trap and back away?
(The Choice of Thinking)
Please click here to turn to page 4.
Page 57
Please check that faeries have not tied your bootlaces together
Page 58
If you now find yourself mentally exhausted, this is simply due to the fact that mind snails have temporarily taken up residence in your brain while you take this assessment.
Do not fear. They will move on to another brain in a matter of weeks.
Page 59
Below is a binding Sivilous trap.
Inside, do you see a Snapping Sivilous?
Please click here to turn to page 35.
Or has the trap not yet caught the Sivilous who’s sleeping under your bed?
Please click here to turn to page 47.
Page 60
If you now find yourself yearning to roam the dunes of childhoods past, you might have experienced a slight shifting of memory sands during this assessment.
The sands will settle, in time.
Page 61
You have been asked to address the secret Celestial Majesterium for their divine guidance on preventing strife between two guilds.
Would you rather make copious notes the week before and hone the perfectly worded speech?
(The Choice of Consideration)
Please click here to turn to page 24.
Or
Do you intend to make a spontaneous, impassioned plea for order?
(The Choice of Perception)
Please click here to turn to page 2.
Page 62
If you now find yourself unable to fantasize, that is simply because the assessment temporarily steals your dreams for energy.
Try to picture a pig in a wizard hat.
Page 63
What common mispronunciation galls you more thoroughly:
“Supposably”
Or
“Translongitudinal Animastic Substantiation”?
Imagine your response, then toss it into the ever-burning fire of your mind.
Page 64
Disregard any plant life that might have sprouted from this page.
Raise your hand, and an instructor will be by momentarily to reap them.
Page 65
If you now find yourself walking with a much jauntier step than usual, you have received a Minor Blessing of The Bounce during this assessment.
All praise The Bounce.
Page 66
You find a caged baby fennucan on your doorstep. It seems harmless enough, but how do you divine with certainty that it is a true fennucan and not simply a termitian gnole hoping to gain entrance to your home?
Do you secretly slip curling creeper dust into a bowl of milk for it to drink?
Please click here to turn to page 64.
Or
Do you ask it at least four irreversible questions in hopes of disenchanting its false form?
Please click here to turn to page 73.
Page 67
If you now find yourself able to pack a suitcase with more speed and precision, this is because the assessment has re-aligned your vacational spatial awareness essence.
You will also find you are able to work buffet tongs with more dexterity.
Page 68
You find a recipe for All-Seeing Soup, but the ingredient list is incomplete. Do you give it a go anyway, hoping that your beginning alchemical skills will guide you towards a successful concoction? What are the chances a magimystical soup could go wrong?
(The Choice of Believing)
Please click here to turn to page 36.
Or
Do you attempt to determine the missing ingredients with reference tomes and an alchemical process of elimination, rather than risk disaster? After all, only so many things pair well with horrid bridal toe caps.
(The Choice of Knowing)
Please click here to turn to page 60.
Page 70
As a side effect of the exam, you might find your handwriting has marginally improved when drafting thank-you notes.
Page 71
You pass by a hungry beggar while you are without an explorer’s ever-ending banquet. From what elemental source do you conjure a meal for her?
The first breath of becoming.
Please click here to turn to page 19.
Or
The final gasping ember.
Please click here to turn to page 69.
Page 72
Imagine a gem-eating palenose pixie in your pixie pocket.
Produce the pixie and place its feet in the provided footprint below:
The palenose will direct you to your next question. (It might also whisper a hint as to the location of that thing that you lost.)
If you did not bring a pixie pocket to your assessment,
Page 73